Lay It Down

“For the first day was dark, and the second was hopeless, but on the third He'd rise.

He laid it down.

For the first day is dark, and the second is hopeless, but on the third we rise.

So lay it down."

— Briana Breathes

“Listen carefully: Unless a grain of wheat is buried in the ground, dead to the world, it is never any more than a grain of wheat. But if it is buried, it sprouts and reproduces itself many times over. In the same way, anyone who holds on to life just as it is destroys that life. But if you let it go, reckless in your love, you’ll have it forever, real and eternal.”

— Jesus via The Message version

Imagine walking around for three years with the King of the universe in the flesh. The Holiest God, the Highest God, the Greatest God. You know He is God and you know He came to save His people..... Then one day.... He dies.

Jesus took on a flesh suit of weakness. He experienced everything we experience and was tempted by the things that we are tempted by. He felt the things that cripple us, including our fear of death.... and yet... He CHOSE to die.

Imagine how discombobulating the first day was for His disciples. Imagine how dark it was for them, how much pain they carried to see their friend and mentor beaten and put on a cross. Then another day passes. Imagine how hopeless they may have felt. Some probably questioning if He was a false prophet, some having faith but still sad and confused... the man they loved has now been DEAD for two days.

Before Jesus died He warned His disciples that anyone who wants to follow Him must lay down their lives too. They can no longer live for the world or the world’s systems. They have to die to their desires and will. They have to give up their lives as a living sacrifice. Even if it means being misunderstood or mocked or ridiculed. Even if it means looking different and not belonging. Even if it means walking by faith into uncertainty and into the unknown....

I thought I laid my life down when I was obedient to the Lord in the past season. I gave up things to follow Him and I thought it was going to be easy. “Follow Him and then be on fire for Him.” I thought obedience was the whole process. “I surrendered, and now I'm going to be on fire for God.” I even had the song “Refined by Fire” on repeat... But instead, it was followed by a season where nothing seemed to happen externally. My obedience equated... nothing....

Internally though, the Lord searched my heart. He exposed so many things I haven’t laid down. I eat food that brings sickness to the body He gave me. I recklessly spend money on my desires and rarely think about being generous. I distract, stay busy, and I function out of self-reliance. I won't allow Him to have my schedule. I set when I eat, what I eat, when I wake up, when I sleep, what I spend my time on, and so much more. I also don't have the self-control or discipline to change these things on my own. It's been frustrating because I thought one act of obedience should equate reward, but instead He showed me twenty different areas I was actively not surrendering.

That’s why I’ve been quiet for months. I've been spiritually confused and disoriented.

“The first day was dark."

I questioned if I messed up the Lord’s plan for my life, if I would ever get it right, and if He truly cared for me.

“The second was hopeless.”

But now I realize, my act of obedience was really me agreeing to be buried, and when I'm rooted and developed- one day I'll rise.

On the second day, the disciples were deeply grieved, shocked, and confused. Little did they know the third day was coming. The day when the One they loved would rise.

Today I was given the miracle of peace and insight. For the first time in months I do not feel afraid of the darkness, stillness, or isolation. I no longer feel like I have to scramble and fight to unbury myself like I've been trying to. And I'm glad He didn't let me- I'd come out undeveloped....

I'm not sure where everyone else is in their journey. Again, I've been buried lol. But wherever you are, I pray the Lord meets you there. That He heals what needs healing, brings you closer to Him, and reminds you just how deeply loved you are.

That's all folks.

— Briana Breathes