Don't Let Go

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you for this day. Thank you for being a holy and a righteous God. Thank you for being a loving father. I humble myself before you and thank you for the forgiveness of sins.

Father God, you have been showing me lately how extremely kind you are. It blows my mind how you can be so kind. When I think about your kindness, I wonder how you can get anything done... I pray to your Holy Spirit for guidance- how should I correct something as a mother and how do I lead my team well? I reflect over your kindness and compare it to my desire to be task oriented instead of people oriented. I cringe because cutthroat is not your character... So how do I go about correction your way?

Lately, Father, I’ve accepted that you aren’t angry at me or critical of me. You love me. Your love has been transformative. But I still wonder how do you love someone into obedience? Then I reflect on our history. There have been seasons where you have disciplined me severely and the only words of comfort you offered were “I discipline those who I love.”

Lord, I’m just in this place where I want to live day to day in your kingdom. I want to fight the good fight. I want to stand firm. I want to be a light. I want to be a worker in the harvest. I just wonder how, and I depend on your spirit to figure it out. I know that there is not an ounce of perseverance or righteousness in my own flesh- but through you, it is possible.

Lord, I’ve come to see that the mainstream version of Christianity in my culture isn’t sustaining. You’ve been opening my eyes to how many have fallen away. You’ve made my heart heavy with both pain and compassion. I wonder: if they really knew how much you love them… if they truly believed that you had a plan for them, that you gave them identity, that you have the power… if they really believed you are good and care deeply for your children—would they walk away from the faith?

Father, this culture—shoot, even my own profession of therapy—is centered on this pursuit of self-focus. We chase happiness and fulfillment. We are constantly searching. We’re so easily distracted. It seems we’ve lost the ability to suffer intentionally. With so much at our fingertips, we’ve gotten used to instant gratification. We’ve truly become lovers of self. And through it, many of us numb and distract ourselves. We resist humbling ourselves long enough to admit that neither we, nor anything in this world, can keep us fulfilled all the time.

Father, I have had high highs, and I have had low lows. The highs don’t feel as good when you aren’t apart of them. The lows feel bearable when you are apart of them. I know you do not love me more than you love anyone else. I’ve experienced your love, I’ve experienced your truth, I’ve experienced how REAL you are. It is my prayer, Father God, that I never let go. And if I attempt to, I pray that your sovereignty pulls me back quickly. I know that I can’t hold on by myself. It is only through your grace that I can have faith and not let go.

Lord, You are God. There is no flaw in you.  I pray father, that when there are things that I disagree with, when there are things that I don’t understand, when there are times that I get upset with the hand that I’ve been dealt- I pray that my heart still humbles itself before you. I pray my heart never forgets that you are PERFECT. And that instead of questioning your goodness, I ask you to expose the flaw in my perception first.

Father, I lift up those who are hurting. Those who are lost. Those who are without community. I pray for those who were taught that you’re a harsh, critical Father. I pray for those who feel abandoned or forgotten by you. Father, I pray for those who are searching- for those who know they are lost, and for those who are blind to it. Father, you said you leave the 99 for the 1. I pray that you do so immediately and bring home all your lost children. And I pray we celebrate with heaven the way the prodigal’s father celebrated when his child returned.

Father, I pray that you renew our faith. I pray that we develop real faith, with the real you. I pray that faith transforms us. Do not allow us to dilute it by mixing in ideologies that have no place in your kingdom. Father, I pray that we can find you without a complete deconstruction of our faith. Father so many of us get hurt when we leave you and turn to the world. Even though you welcome us back home the pain of the journey is unbearable at times. I pray that we learn to stay like the son who remained in his father’s house—learning lessons in the safety of your love.

I pray we stop listening to the lie of the devil that we have to learn things the hard way. I pray that we learn to seek out and listen to wisdom. That we stand firm in healthy Christian community. That we die to our own desires daily and humble ourselves before your perfect plan. I pray that you protect us all from the schemes of the evil one.

Father, I love you. And I pray—please—bring your children home.

In Jesus’ name,
Amen.